Bring on the Jolly

My Christmas vacation is about half over now. I am writing from Claire and Dave's couch, listening to the Colorado wind, and having a lazy morning (though not as lazy as their's, as they are much better at sleeping in than I am). It has been a really lovely break. I love the kids, but man is it nice to not have to bundle up two extra people and protect the baby from her brother's well-meaning displays of raucous affection, or have to listen to/calm tantrums. Yesterday I got my snow and mountain fix at Monarch where I read and edited writing samples in the lodge while others skied. It was a beautiful day, essentially Colorado in ways that people in Jersey just can't understand. I've also made the friend rounds of course, catching up with Sean, Jesse and Jaime, Erika, church folks and of course my parents and granny. I think one of the best parts is not having to write papers during the vacation. During seminary I always had to bring home an extra suitcase just for books since all my papers were due in January. I'm still definitely reveling in the free time and the excessive reading for pleasure and TV on DVD watching. Claire has big plans to get me hooked on X Files, which will probably start some time after we go get massages this afternoon.
Have I mentioned how much I love Colorado?

Christmas in da House

It's amazing what not living in a dorm room or having finals hanging over my head does for my Christmas spirit. It also helps that the Fam is having a big Christmas party today after N sings in the cherub choir at church. Spending the first week of December at an amazing resort in The Bahamas, immediately preceded by a few days with Rachel in Indiana didn't hurt either. (I'll post some Bahamas pictures when I get around to it.)
Yesterday was the most Christmasy day I've had in years. We had Christmas music playing on the stereo most of the day. I hung some lights around my window, and last night I watched White Christmas. The real adventure was making cookies with N. We've baked together before, but never to this level. We made sugar cookies, which he got to cut out with mini Christmas shapes, and decorate (he only licked the spoons then returned them to the frostings once before I caught him, so here's hoping no one catches his cold); we also made peanut butter blossoms, which he got to put the Hershey kisses on. This is probably the largest baking task I have ever taken on, so thanks to Becky Homecky for all those years of letting me help out with the pies at Thanksgiving -- turns out it prepared me this. The cookies turned out great, N was occupied for a few hours, and poor little B was mostly neglected in her Pack-n-play, but she coped.
Today I went on a search for something to wear to the aforementioned party (failed!) and for presents for the kids. Here's the thing about being a nanny: I will bear the brunt of every gift they receive. All the screeching and sirens and putting together of race tracks (which I am bad at, by the way) and cleaning up of glitter or paint or whatever other insanely messy things friends and relatives decide would be a good idea for N, it all lands on me. So I was definitely shopping for my sanity as much as for his fun. I found a great gift that he will enjoy, that won't make a mess, and that he can enjoy mostly independently. Not that I don't like playing with him; I do, but so many of his toys require me to put something together and by the time I finish he's usually either lost interest or gotten frustrated or injured himself or his sister. I never put him in front of the tv, and very rarely on the computer when I need him to be occupied, so I bought myself a few minutes of sanity. He can sit at the table with some water and paint his little re-usable activity card thingies (apparently it's hard to describe the toy . . .). Now if I'd only realized a few weeks ago that a plush baby bowling set was the perfect gift for B, and had time to find it in a store I'd be all set.
Tomorrow I'm going into the City to enjoy the lights and such. Yay for NYC at Christmas. I will be driving into Manhattan, so wish me luck.

Bad Idea Bears

Avenue Q is HILARIOUS! Honestly, how could a show featuring Sesame Street-esque puppets, Christy Carlson Romano (from Even Stevens and Kim Possible) and songs like "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist" and "If You Were Gay" not be? Okay, so it's not for the easily offended. My friend Jen and I had awesome seats, and after the show we donated $ to charity in exchange for having our photo taken with the Bad Idea Bears and performer/puppeteer Jennifer Barnhart. If you're not careful they will convince you to spend the last of your parents' money on a case of beer and to get wasted on long island iced tea and wild sex the night before you have grown up responsibilities at work. Maybe it was they who influenced me to get the mega portion of mac and cheese at Super Mac after the show (try it next time you're in the City!) - I'm still full of cheesey goodness.

What is the wierd patriotic feeling?

Yesterday I dressed B in her July 4th outfit: an American flag print dress (over white onesie and sweat pants). Now this is kind of outfit that made me gag a little just a few months ago. When she first wore it I found it cute (after all, what outfit isn't cute on an infant) but a little obnoxious and indicative of the kind of family I was working for (ie. Republican). But yesterday I was excited to vote, and proud to live in a country where I am free to exercise that right and responsibility, so I dressed B for the momentous occasion. I found myself reclaiming the truth that our flag is not representative only of the kind of patriots who hang pictures of George W. in their homes and sing God Bless America in church and want to build a wall and bring Democracy and capitalism to every nation whether they want it or not - in short the Republican Christian Right. The flag is also representative of the kind of patriots who finally blast through apathy and cynicism en masse and pave the way for historic and much-needed change. A few weeks ago I was explaining patriotism to N and told him that his parents are very patriotic. When he asked whether I am patriotic I had to search for diplomatic words that would satisfy him and not offend his parents if he talked about it at dinner. I told him that there are many ways of showing patriotism, and that voting is one of the most important of them. I woke up this morning with excitement and hope still fresh, and for the first time in my adult life I can honestly say that I am proud to be an American. I won't go putting flags all over my stuff or replacing my current wallpaper with a photo of Barack Obama. I still prefer to maintain some degree of critical distance, never confusing the fact that my citizenship is in heaven from whence I await the return of my savior Jesus Christ. But when I travel abroad and people ask where I am from, I probably won't lie and say Canada any more.

Happy Reformation Day!

Here I am giving our man Luther some love at the Reformation Museum in Wittenberg, the place where it all started. I am a little disturbed to discover that among my hundreds of pictures from the 2005 Reformation Study Tour I have no pictures of the church door where Luther posted his 95 Theses. Travesty!
There's your Christian History nerd moment of Zen. If I were going to a Halloween party, or spending the day with fellow church nerds, I would dress up as Katharina von Bora. As it is, I'm wearing my railroad engineer overalls (probably the best $5 I've ever spent at a thrift store) and taking B in her adorable little lion costume to N's school, where he will be dressed as an astronaut for the class parade.

A Little Help Here?

N has decided it would be fun to regress. As is, he's had an accident almost every day for almost 2 weeks. I do not like poop. Any advice?

A-Maize-ing

Last Saturday I went to Chester, NJ with my small group to conquer a massive corn maze. It's the only corn maze I've ever been to, but more seasoned veterans of this rural past time assure me that this one is huge and elaborate comparatively. We got through really quickly because a few people got cool glasses that allow you to see a map and guided us through without wrong turns. It might have been fun to get lost some, but we also might not have made it out before nightfall. This picture shows the map of the maze at the entrance. Every year they have a different theme, and this year's was "Vote '08."

Paucity

I've noticed my blog has been relatively neglected since the nannying gig started. Or maybe my posts are at about the same frequency, but for different reasons. It used to be that I didn't post because I was so busy and there was too much I could have said. Now it is the opposite. There just isn't that much going on. The kids do and say cute things all the time, but since they aren't my kids it would be silly for this blog to mostly be about them.
My life has settled into a comfortable routine. I get enough sleep, I read for pleasure, I watch TV on DVD with very little guilt (still some nagging feeling that there is some assignment I'm neglecting), I definitely eat better (not that it is difficult to eat better than I did on 7 years of all-you-can-eat buffet at every meal). Life's good, if a little uneventful.
Today my boss is taking our voter registrations to the county office, since today is the NJ deadline. I don't actually know whether my registration will be accepted since I don't yet have my NJ driver's license. I've been putting it off because I don't want to have anything officially stating I am from New Jersey. I refuse to be a Jersey girl. But alas, I want to vote, so I'll have to go take care of that before election day. The county I'm living in appears to be pretty strong for McCain, at least if signs are any indication, so I need to do my duty to the country and make it to the polls to cancel out at least one McCain/Palin vote.
One more random thing. I took the GRE a few weeks ago and got my scores back. I am proud to announce that I am in the 46th percentile in math!!! I've never been in the 46th percentile in anything. OK, maybe in those presidential fitness tests from elementary school, but never anything academic. It's a good thing I don't plan to use math in my chosen field, except for interpreting statistics, which were the math questions I was consistently good at. Verbal and essays were what I expected and I'm satisfied with my performance on the parts that actually mattered to me. I just think 46th percentile is special kinds of amazing.

Boston in the Fall

I just spent a 4-day weekend in Boston visiting my friend Sean, whom I've known since jr high. He is a computer science guy working on an internet startup with one of his roommates. His other two roommates are also computer programmers of some sort. Therefore I probably should not have been surprised when I walked into the living room to find 7 gaming systems (you know PS2, Wii, etc.) and no chairs/couches.
Spending four days with four computer geeks and two of their (less geeky but odd in their own way) girlfriends is not for the faint of heart! It was a fun time though, a relaxing weekend, and a cool city to finally get to see. I'll post some pics, maybe, if I ever get around to it.
And now up the stairs and back to the land of diaper changes and playdates. Today it's a trip to the dentist and cherub choir practice at church.

Anatomy Lesson

(completely out of the blue)
N: my baby has a magina
Me: vvvv
N: vagina. my baby has a vagina.
Me: what do you have?
N: a pp and a butt. Girls are lucky because they only have one thing and boys have two.

26

There are a lot of things I thought I might have done with my life by the time I turned 26. Now I think, not of how little I've accomplished, but of how ridiculous I was to have expected so much of myself. Apparently I couldn't count how many years it actually takes to do the things I have planned for my life and I just arbitrarily chose 26 as an age that sounded very grown up. So now that I'm 26 it doesn't feel old or unaccomplished, or very grown up for that matter, it's just where I am now. And I still have a long way to go.

Highs and Lows

In the grand tradition of high school youth group, here are my highs and lows from yesterday.
Low: N pooped on his floor. He got a stern talking to. At least it was easier to clean up this time.
High: I scored higher than 50% on the quantitative section of the practice GRE I took last night. Not much higher, and it still isn't exactly a respectable score, but there is hope for a less than abysmal performance.

Wedding Week

This has been wedding week. Both of the weddings I was able to attend this summer conveniently took place within 5 days of each other. Saturday through Tuesday I was in Spokane for Anna's wedding. It was great to be with friends, and I haven't laughed so much or so hard in a long time.
Yesterday's event was a little more of a fiasco, not so much due to the wedding itself as the monsoon rains that current hurricanes brought up the coast. The ceremony and reception were in Center City Philadelphia, and for those of you who've been there you know that this means no convenient parking. My friends and I were in charge of transporting the liquor to the reception site. We checked into our hotel and got our hair all done then set out. By the time we found the site, found parking, found the unlocked door, then ran back and forth from the car with all the cases of beer and wine we were all soaked to the bone. Needless to say, my hair was no longer "done." In fact I looked like a drowned rat, and since we didn't bring a hair dryer there was no fixing it for the ceremony. My friends have short and not frizz-prone hair, so they still looked decent in the end. The most exciting part was that my underwear was also soaked, and there was no way to get it dry before putting my dress on. This led to an unfortunate wet spot situation. Um, yeah. Cool.

"Welcome to Baby Hell"

That's what the dad of the Fam told me last night at dinner. We're at the shore this week (hence the lack of posting), and last night we went to dinner with a family who are long-time friends of the Fam. They have two girls, ages 6 and 4. So all nine of us were at this restaurant. It was small and crazy loud and crowded, and of course the kids were restless and also loud and fighting over the toys. Then it all started to tumble down around us. The younger daughter of the other family had a complete melt-down. The family decided to leave, it was so bad. At this point we had been at the restaurant almost an hour and still didn't have our food, so the poor mom had to wait another 5-10 minutes for her now to-go food to come out so she could go home. Then we had to wait another 15ish minutes after that for our food, both kids getting increasingly restless as bed time rapidly approached. All told, N and B did pretty well. There was copious peek-a-booing and on-the-spot game invention with objects on our table. In the end we finally got food, which was good but soooo not worth it. I was not technically working, so it wasn't really that stressful for me, I just felt bad for all the other adults (and the kids for that matter). And that, my friends, is another reason I will not be having kids of my own for a VERY long time.

The real excitement in life is that I fly to Spokane tomorrow for Anna's Tuesday evening wedding. I get to see friends, eat at Thai Bamboo and Tomato Street (I hope), see a dear friend get hitched, perhaps rig up a hammock with Claire in the Loop during Frosh arrival just for grins, and remember that New Jersey is just a temporary stop over on a long awaited return to the West.

Convenience

There is something sad about how very convenience oriented we Americans are. We want everything at one store (e.g. Target or Wal-Mart) or in bulk so we can shop less often, and if there is a drive through window, all the better. We ask, why can't we just slow down, chat with the person behind the counter, leave a few minutes early so you don't have to drive through for coffee. Why is convenience such a determining factor in our lives?
Because the baby is asleep in the back and if you wake her up she won't stop crying until she gets a bottle; because it takes the pre-schooler 15 minutes to go potty and put on shoes; because of the ever-present melt-down factor that can add a solid half hour to any excursion; because they both want to touch everything they see and want anything they can't have; because it's really hard to endorse a check and use an ATM with only one hand without the baby eating the check; because getting the stroller in and out of the trunk while juggling two kids and a purse and a diaper bag is not easy.
I'm converted. Convenience is awesome. American's may be self-centered, too fast paced, and engulfed by the need for instant gratification, but if that means I can get coffee almost every day from the drive through coffee hut without it disturbing the kids, then so be it. And if they put in a drive-up ATM at the local PNC, all the better.

True Beauty

N likes to say things are beautiful. Rays of light flowers, etc.
Yesterday he had a little accident at the park. He ran up to me and told me his poop was already coming out and it was a big mess. So I ran him over to the port-a-potty and he finished his business and I threw his messed undies in the port-a-potty. He looked in the hole and exclaimed, "My beautiful underwear!" And they weren't even a pair with Lightning McQueen (from Cars) or Spiderman on them, just plain old tighty whiteys. It was pretty cute, and thankfully not as big of a mess as he had led me to fear.

And my next post will not be about poop.

A Sh!$$y Day, Literally

This afternoon N had diarrhea all over his bedroom floor. Awesome.
Apparently that was what was necessary to cure me of my reticence to eat alone at a real restaurant. I have just returned from Chili's with renewed determination to get accepted to grad school.

All By Myself

I really don't mind doing things alone. Even things that most people would prefer to do with another person, and perhaps would not consider doing alone, I do by myself without a second thought. I go hiking, go to the movies, go to the mall, and occasionally eat at the 70's-tastic Galaxy Diner here in Kinnelon. But last night I discovered the current limit of my independence, and it's name is Applebee's. I was craving a yummy salad and maybe a beer for dinner last night, and I thought about ordering it to go, but realized there was no place for me to go to eat it. Applebee's, like everything else here, is about 15 minutes away, and it was too hot to eat at a park outside. I had almost resolved myself to go get a table for one. But there is a line from "Home Improvement" that for some unknown reason has tainted my perception of people who eat alone in real restaurants: "Al "table for one" Borland." Every now and then I've seen women eating alone in restaurants and they always seem to be youngish (like under 40), a little overweight and unkempt, and reading a vapid trade paperback, and the assumptions I automatically make about their lives are not exactly mean but not positive either. So I ended up at the Wendy's adjacent to Applebee's eating a salad and talking on my cell phone. Maybe I would have made it into Applebee's if I was currently reading my book on the history of the Balkans, or one of the 4 Dostoevsky novels on my list, but I'm in the middle of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Which brings me to the pride issue, the crux of the matter. I should probably get over it by humiliating myself at a really good restaurant during peak hours with a harlequin novel or something. Or maybe I'll just buck up and try again next weekend, by which time I should be on to the next Harry Potter. Or maybe I could even meet people my age with whom to gather socially.

This Week in Nannydom

This week we've been on vacation at the Jersey shore. I should say the Fam has been on vacation, and I have been facilitating the vacationlyness of their vacation. I was a little concerned about working this week. Would I end up just being on pretty much the whole time? Would it be weird to have the parents there the whole time vacationing while I took care of the kids? When the friends of the Fam arrived, would I basically get stuck watching their kids too (same ages as N and B, but both boys)? Would I have time to finish reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (book #2)?
It has turned out to be a good week. The Fam is great about my hours. They've heard too many Nanny Diaries-esque horror stories to allow me to get taken advantage of, so I've worked my normal 8-6. It's actually been nice working with the parents around too. I generally like them, so that helps, and I was rarely 100% in charge of both kids, which is also nice. But more than that, it is good to know that they have seen me do exactly what I do when they aren't there (feeding, chores, discipline, play, etc.) and have been positive and appreciative. They would tell me if I need to do things really differently. As for the other family, obviously I played with more than just N and B, and I did end up watching both 8month olds for an hour (and God have mercy on parents of multiples, because that hour involved a good deal of crying and two poopy diapers), but it was all good and I didn't get roped into staying at the house with four kids so parents could trot off to the beach for the day.
And Harry Potter? I'm halfway through #4.
Now it's the weekend, I'm still at the shore, but no longer working and thus free to enjoy the beautiful house and beach with no guilt about staying out of N's temper tantrum or B's fantastically nasty diaper.

Soundtrack for Life

N likes to sing, so today I started developing a little soundtrack for our time together.
While driving he can now sing "on the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again."
When we get home he can say "home again, home again, jiggity jig."
And we're working on "rubber duckie, you're the one"

This afternoon we had a playdate with another boy N's age at a park and they ran up and down a hill for almost 2 hours while the other nanny and I sat in the grass with the babies chatting and doling out cheerios. It's amazing how entertained kids can be, and even more amazing that neither of them totally bit it running down that hill.

A Loooong Week

This was the first week I've had both kids all day. N had school then VBS, but now he is unoccupied until morning camp starts week after next. This wouldn't have been that big of a deal - actually it's kind of nice because we could have playdates in the morning and not interfere with nap time. But alas, B had pneumonia (she's better now) so we had to stay in. No trips to the library, the park, his friends' houses. . . All this amounts to time outs. Many, many time outs. And tantrums. Lots of those too. On the bright side, he seems to have gotten over running around the house screaming (now he just runs sans screaming), and he hasn't freaked out thrashing and kicking when I put him in his time out spot. If he wasn't so darn cute when he is behaving . . .

One really cute thing is his reaction to my tattoo. He asked why I had a stamp on my finger and I told him it was to remind me that Jesus loves me. He said maybe he should get a "God stamp" too, but I said he could just remember in his heart that Jesus loves him. I told him I was surprised he was just now noticing it, because B has touched it and seemed to know it was something weird on my hand. So he said that maybe B likes to look at it because it makes her think about Jesus, and for a few days after that he would tell me to show B my God stamp. So cute.

Off Days

All these years as a student I never knew what I was missing: Days Off!!! Now that I have designated on and off time, I'm making the most of the off.
Last Saturday I trotted off to North-West Jersey to go hiking. I left a note for the Fam saying where I was going and if I wasn't back by 6 to send a search party, since I was going alone and likely to be without cell reception. Turns out such warning was not really necessary, since a "hike" in New Jersey is a pleasant stroll through the woods in Colorado. I think the elevation gain was something like 500ft. But I saw a bear on the road, and a beautiful view from the top of the fire lookout tower I climbed. Rattlesnake Swamp Trail was much prettier than the name suggests, and my only complaint (other than New Jersey not being Colorado) is that there are a lot more bugs here.
Today I had the day off to replace my usual Saturday off, since they need me to watch the kidlets tomorrow down the Shore. So I a woke up early and set off for NYC. I walked to The Strand, from whence I emerged with 7 books and a new tote bag. I meandered through the Green Market at Union Square. I got a variety of yummy salads at Whole Foods and ate lunch on a bench outside. I went to the Ukrainian Museum (so wierd to see my namesake city and clan on so many maps and placards!). Then I made my way back to the house where I am now going to do laundry, make some dinner, and watch a movie in the home theater.
Rough life.

What Kids Know

I find the cognitive and moral reasoning ability of an (almost) 4 year old fascinating. Does he reason through the process of bargaining down his punishments, or does a behavior develop over time whereby he hears the threat of no tv then promises to be better (the actually words are usually more sophisticated than that, unless he's having a full-blown tantrum) so he manages to keep being bad and not get punished? Yesterday I was threatening to cancel a playdate if he didn't start behaving and he actually said "you're joking!" I probably should have just canceled the playdate immediately to make my point, but I wanted to meet the nanny. I've come a long way in 9 days as far as firmness and consistency with discipline, but the smack is going to have to start being laid down if he's going to stop manipulating me and his parents out of punishments. We all chalked his behavior up to transission stress, but it's time to get him over that hump.
I do actually enjoy nannying though. When N is sweet, he is REALLY cute. Yesterday he told me that I had a mission to take care of B all day long. He also found a plastic toy coin and gave it to me and was so excited to have given it to me and wanted me to keep it forever and show it to everyone. B really wants to stand, and it looks like she'll skip crawling. That'll be fun with hard wood floors.

Also, you may have discovered that I don't get cell phone reception here. If you need to reach me you can call the house 8am-9pm and the number is on facebook and on my gmail signature.

God Bless the Inventor of Nap Time

Today's afternoon nap was sandwiched by the 3 1/2 year old boy (henceforth "N", for privacy) freaking out a lot, running around the house screaming, refusing to do pretty much anything. I don't want to chase him and make him think it's a fun game, and couldn't anyway with the 7month old girl (henceforth "B") on my hip. I've seen him do this a number of times with his parents and this was my initiation. In a few weeks maybe I'll know whether this is just acting out over a rough transition between nannies, or testing me, or just a broader behavior issue, and probably some combination of the above. To make matters more interesting every time he freaked out today I couldn't really discipline him effectively with time out because the first was right before nap, the second was as we were rushing out the door to swim lessons, and the final his dad took over and I was relieved.
But nap time . . . It was short today, but I had an amazing and quiet lunch. I made myself a salad of baby spinach, grilled chicken, cucumber, pear, romano cheese, and pomegranate vinaigrette. Ahhhhh.
Tomorrow N has a class field trip to an amusement park, so his mom is going with him and I'm staying home with B. She's mostly pretty easy and happy, but she's definitely having some separation anxiety.

Mad props to Alisa, Jennifer, and all you other moms who spend your days (and nights, and every moment) with an infant and a toddler and still manage to be delightful and mostly sane people.

Back to the Drawing Board

I visited the United Methodist Church nearest me this morning. It was me, 3 elderly couples, the pastor, a guitar player and a pianist. It was also quite probably one of the most stream-of-consciousness random (and somewhat theologically dubious) sermons I've heard in a long time. They were really friendly after the service, inviting my to coffee hour and chatting with me. The pastor seems like a good guy and wants me to preach when he goes on vacation. The long and the short of it is, I'll probably be hard pressed to find a church with younger people and things for me to get involved in. I have at least a year, so we'll see how it goes.

The Sound of Settling

The nanny adventure officially begins on Monday, but I'm already settling in to life with The Fam (as they will be called to protect their privacy). Today I drove around Kinnelon. There's not much of it, but all the basics are covered--Target, Borders, Dunkin' Donuts. Life is good. Except I'm paranoid that my hard drive is going to crash at any minute, since a lot of people with MacBooks have had that happen recently. That's all for the moment, but much more to come once life gets interesting.

The Greatest State

I'm sitting in a local coffee shop a short walk from my parents' place sipping Americano, my tummy full of amazing Whole Foods salads. The sun is shining, people are out and about in the mixed-use shopping/apartment area. Most importantly, the mountains are right there waiting for me if I poke my head out the door and look West. It's funny what being land-locked and wedged in by mountains does to a person's understanding of what geography ought to be. I drove for 4 days through some of the flattest (though pretty in their own way) states in the union. Even though I haven't had time during this trip to go hiking and enjoy the Rockies properly, I did go four-wheeling through a pretty canyon in Colorado Springs.
Which brings me to what actually makes this the greatest state: the friends I get to see here. I visited my home church, spent a few days with Claire and Dave (including some much needed Swing Dancing at the Merc), am getting together with long-time friends from youth groups, and seeing a college friend for Indian food tonight (Erika J). There aren't nearly as many people here for me to see as their used to be, a phenomenon I also discovered in Spokane last March, but the ones I do get to see are precious to me.
Tomorrow I fly back to NJ to start a new adventure: Child Rearing. Stay tuned for my adventures as a Live-In nanny.

Master of Divinity

Momentous!

This is me, seconds before submitting my LAST PAPER of seminary.



This is me, 10 minutes from now.



and I'm spent.

t minus 26 hours

1 conclusion and some editing then another 12-15 page paper and I'm done with seminary.

62 hours . . .

. . . until my seminary education ends with a bang and the submission of my last two papers. It'd help if I could bring myself to start writing them. With 62 hours remaining that's just over 2 hours per page. I'm golden. Unless I continue to get 7ish hours of sleep each night, in which case I'm down to 41 hours. That's without eating or watching Bones episodes on DVD, both of which are rather essential. Now if someone wants to give me a quick overview of what happened in Czechoslovakia between 1945 and 1958 that'd save me a lot of time. Thanks.

click, clack, moo

Greetings from the Oratory, where I have been in this chair for the majority of the past week and will continue to be until Monday at noon. Here's the update (in large part to make myself feel like I'm making progress).
New Testament Canon formation summary: Complete! (6 pages, turned in on 4/21)
Curriculum Assessment for evangelism: Complete! (15 pages, turned in on 4/25)
Paper on The Shepherd of Hermas: Complete! (15 pages, turned in on 4/28)
War and Christian Conscience paper: Needs editing. (15 pages, due on 5/2)
Ethics of Bonhoeffer paper: In progress. (8/11 pages, due on 5/3)
Modern European history paper: not started (15 pages, due on 5/5)
Congregational Ministries paper: not started (12ish pages, due on 5/5)
If you have a calendar handy you might notice that all seven of these are within a two week time period. So that's about 2.5 papers to go and 5.5 days to do it. I'm on a 3 days/paper schedule and that's working so far. I'm also on a multible episodes of Bones/day schedule, which is less conducive to productivity. Still sleeping 7 hours/night doesn't help that either.
I'm excited to soon blog about things other than writing papers.

no more school, no more books

or at least no more classes. Plenty of books and plenty of papers. But no more classroom for at least a year. Wierd.

On to the Good Stuff

I've written 3 of my 7 papers so far, getting out of the way all of 1 of the uninteresting/unengaging/unchallenging papers. Now I get to move on the good stuff: Central Europe. I'm managed to get three paper topics that actually relate to my future field of study.
First, due next Friday, a paper for War and Christian Conscience on a Catholic pacifist priest in Hungary in the mid-1980s.
Then, due next Saturday, my Bonhoeffer paper on the role of community in moral discernment.
Finally, due the following Monday, the big one for my PhD seminar looking at the writings of a Czech theologian and socialist in the 1960s.
After all those are done I'll throw something together for paper #7 and then all work will come to a screeching halt by noon on May 5. It's no close I can taste it. Now if only the rapidly approaching deadline would shock me out of my need for 8+ hours of sleep nd my love of the show Bones . . .

It's Official

After graduation I'll be a live-in nanny in Kinnelon, New Jersey. It's a very small town about 45 minutes West of NYC, in what has to pass for mountains out here. The kids are a really cute a talkative 3 year old boy and equally cute but not at all talkative 6 month old girl. I have to figure out whether I'm going home after graduation and work out the logistics of moving in and all that, but that's where I'll be for the next year or until I get accepted to a PhD program.
And now I'm going to go attempt to write a 15 page paper in one sitting.

I take that back

Since I posted this morning one of the families filled their position, so as soon as I officially talk to the other family I will officially announce where I'm going after graduation.

Decisions, Decisions

On Sunday I took the train up to Stamford, Connecticut to meet with a family about a nanny position. They have a 7 year old boy and a 5 year old girl, a beautiful home on a peninsula surrounded by public beaches and parks, and are a really nice family. Then on Tuesday I drove up to Kinnelon, New Jersey to meet a family with a 3 year old boy and a 6 month old girl. They were also really nice, and live out in a wooded mountainy area with deer and hiking trails and stuff. The good news is, I should know by this weekend where I'm living and working after graduation (which is 1 month from today). The bad news is, I have to say no to one of these great families. I have my first choice picked out, but I'm going to wait until everything is final to post about it.

On a different note, yesterday was a bunch of senior class hullaballoo. We had a class photo, which Rachel and I barely made it back from tutoring in Trenton in time to be in, a nice dinner, and a worship service. I think this is the point where we're all supposed to start feeling nostalgic and taking tons of photos and savoring every moment. I'm just not there yet mentally. I still have seven papers to write (well, it's six now) before I get there. So while others went out for drinks and savoring of precious moments last night, I came back to the dorm and watched 3 episodes of Bones with Rachel and Rebecca then went to bed. In all honesty though, wasted evenings watching TV on DVD are probably some of the times I'll miss.

. . . but I'm not daunted . . .

I have seven papers due in the next 4 weeks. Seven. One of them only sort of counts because it's a 5-6 page summary on the New Testament canonization process. The others are biggies. All 15ish pages, all worth over 50% of my grade in their respective courses, and only one pass/fail. Four of the topics actually interest me, five of the papers have something approaching a thesis, and there is a remarkable overlap in topics regarding Central Europe and pacifism (surprise, surprise). I would say that the bright side is no matter what I'm done on May 17th, but I do actually have to pass all of these classes to graduate.
I'm going to go play with a toddler now, before the shock and panic kicks in.

the plan

To all of you who were freaking out about what to do after college graduation and I was unable to empathize because I knew I was going to PTS, well now I understand where you were coming from. About half of my friends have real jobs lined up, most of them even in the fields they intend to stay in for a long time. I decided last semester to take a year off while I apply to PhD programs, which means I need a plan for next year. I applied for an internship in Harlem, but they don't make their decision for another few weeks (i.e. painfully close to graduation), and my plan to stay on at the Foundation where I work now is probably not going to pan out for them financially. So the new plan? Nannying. That's right, I'm probably going to be a live-in nanny for the year. The pay is good, the beach houses are beautiful, the kids are cute. Hey, why the heck not. I've already had three interviews and I'll probably know in the next week or so whether my first choice of those three is going to work out. So there's the temporary plan, during which I'll take the GRE's, apply to PhD programs, and reading stuff. Sounds delightful.

Whirlwind of Awesomeness

Yea, pretty much the best week ever (though not the best picture).

Christ the Lord is Risen Today!

Christ the Lord is risen today, Alleluia!
Earth and heaven in chorus say, Alleluia!
Raise your joys and triumphs high, Alleluia!
Sing, ye heavens, and earth reply, Alleluia!

Love's redeeming work is done, Alleluia!
Fought the fight, the battle won, Alleluia!
Death in vain forbids him rise, Alleluia!
Christ has opened paradise, Alleluia!

Lives again our glorious King, Alleluia!
Where, O death, is now thy sting? Alleluia!
Once he died our souls to save, Alleluia!
Where's they victory, boasting grave? Alleluia!

Soar we now where Christ has led, Alleluia!
Following our exalted Head, Alleluia!
Made like him, like him we rise, Alleluia!
Ours the cross, the grave, the skies, Alleluia!

Hail the Lord of earth of heaven, Alleluia!
Praise to thee by bot be given, Alleluia!
Thee we greet triumphant now, Alleluia!
Hail the Resurrection, thou, Alleluia!

- Charles Wesley, 1739

Taking the "Reading" out of Reading Week

How is it possible that as of 6pm on Friday I have accomplished, oh, nothing? I attribute it mostly to Spokane (very worthwhile and necessary distraction) and then to post-vacation break (completely unnecessary and worthless distraction). Add to the mix the iTunes store, jet-lag, and the ill-founded confidence that if I don't start my Bonhoeffer mid-term until Wednesday I can still have it done by 12am Thursday, and you've got me. Doing lots of stuff other than reading during Reading Week. Let's just be honest and call it Spring Break, eh?

Oh, Spokane

The irrational attachment I have for Spokane wells up in my little heart. Oddly enough it's not only the people here I hold dear. It's the familiarity too. It's just so delightfully tacky. It is still December according to the lawn decorations, and there have to be more coffee shops per capita than most other cities, especially those sketchy little drive through coffee shack things. The house across the street has three trucks parked on the lawn. Things seem to change a lot slower here than in other places. Every time I return to Colorado it seems like there is a whole new subdivision, mall, and shopping center. But here Didier's and Bruchi's and Hastings and Rosauers are still staples. Campus is different. Other than everything saying Whitworth University now (I had to work to find paraphernalia that says simply Whitworth) there are only 4 village buildings left standing, there is a whole new dorm and a new art building under construction, and the coffee shop in the HUB is super swanky. But Stan made me a Special Tea, and they are just as amazing as ever.
So far I've been graced and blessed by some fantastic people - Anna, Mary, Fishy, Toni, Terry, Roger, Dottie, Andi, Adam, Jerry - with more to come tonight and tomorrow - Jaime, Heather, Justin, Jim, more Adam. And I've even done a little reading and maybe found a topic for my Bonhoeffer midterm. The moral of the story is, I heart Spokane. And Spokompton, Spokangeles, Spokantinople, and Spokanistan.

A Word from my man Bonhoeffer

"Self-denial means knowing only Christ, no longer knowing oneself. It means no longer seeing oneself, only him who is going ahead, no longer seeing the way which is too difficult for us. Self-denial says only: he is going ahead; hold fast to him." (Discipleship, Ch. 4)

Then a quote from Luther with which Bonhoeffer concludes this chapter, "Discipleship and the Cross": "'Things must go, not according to your understanding but above your understanding. Submerge yourself in a lack of understanding, and I will give you My understanding. Lack of understanding is real understanding; not knowing where you are going is really knowing where you are going. My understanding makes you without understanding. Thus Abraham went out from his homeland and did not know where he was going (Gen. 12:1ff). He yielded to My knowledge and abandoned his own knowledge; and by the right way he reached the right goal. Behold, that is the way of the cross. You cannot find it, but I must lead you like a blind man. Therefore not you, not a man, not a creature, but I, through My Spirit and the Word, will teach you the way you must go. You must not follow the work which you choose, not the suffering which you devise, but that which comes to you against your choice, thoughts, and desires. There I call; there you must be a pupil; there it is the time; there you Master has come.'"

Spokane almost didn't Rock my Socks: The Story of My Morning

I made my reservation to go to Spokane using a free flight voucher that I earned by giving up my seat on a flight in December. Very exciting, saved like $400. But I never received a confirmation e-mail.
So this morning I call United, assuming they got the e-mail address wrong. It turns out my reservation has been CANCELLED because I was supposed to go to Newark and pick up my ticket within 24 hours of making the reservation, not within 24 hours of my flight like I thought. The service rep says there's nothing she can do. There's 14 day pre-flight purchase requirement on the voucher, and I'm basically screwed unless I want to schedule for the weekend of the 14th or purchase the ticket. Obviously I'm started to cry at this point, push the agent a little bit and finally give up and hang up and cry. Bad. Very Stressful.
I pull myself together, get my game face on, and call back to talk to a higher up who can override the 14 day thing and make all my dreams come true. The next agent I talk to, who I assume can do nothing, as able to rebook me on my original flights, clarifies that I need to go to Newark tomorrow to pick up my ticket, and asks for the name of the person who said there was nothing she could do. Of course I don't remember her name, and she was probably new or something and didn't know what to do. So after a small breakdown and a very stressful start, I am still going to Spokane next Friday to frolick and chat with Anna and Jaime and Caitlin and Heather and the fabulous Whitworth TH/PH department.
The End.

Academy Awards

The third song from Enchanted, the one from the ballroom scene (sorry, I can't remember the name) . . . well it's a 2/4 then a 4/4, but they were walzing to it. I'm impressed by the ability to keep time with a non-existent beat, and a very quick time at that.
Apparently I need to see No Country for Old Men.

Spokane Rocks My Socks

Or maybe it's just the people in Spokane, and the fact that I'll be seeing them March 7-12. (insert deep sigh of contentment.)

The Vagina Monologues

I'm running lights for the Seminary's production of The Vagina Monologues this weekend. Has anyone ever seen a performance of the show? I am very ambivalent, and would love to hear some thoughts on the content and purpose, especially taking into account that it is being performed in a Christian community. I'll probably post some thoughts after the production. I have many, but I will see the show three more times by the end of the week, so I won't commit myself to anything yet.
Here's an article. There are also a few of the monologues up on YouTube. I haven't watched those versions, but they probably give a decent idea. I know "moans" is on there, and that one is a part of the Seminary's production. The original 3 monologues are available on google books.

Long Lost Artist

Alisha and I go way back. Ah s-group, life stories, Jamba Juice . . . And after falling out of touch for years, we've reconnected in the blogosphere. And you can too! She's an artist with some really fun work; lots of variety and color and personality. So check her out on Etsy.

It's a Lovely Thought, but . . .

Ethnic conflict has torn through Kenya in the wake of their December elections. Over 1,000 have died. President Bush is in Africa this week, going to some of the more stable countries and celebrating the US's contribution of successes in Africa. He's sending Condoleeza Rice to Kenya so leader there can "hear firsthand U.S. desires to see that there be no violence, that there be a power-sharing agreement that will help this nation resolve its difficulties."
Oh, yeah, that'll show 'em! I'm sure the centuries-long ethnic disputes that are more deeply ingrained than democracy and have torn tribes since long before the U.S. was a glimmer in Europe's eye are going to end once they know that the U.S. discourages violence. And once they see our stellar example.

A Little Blog Love

Tag, I'm it. It won't be as exciting as Mary's though.

Contents of my purse:
1. wallet
2. chap stick
3. phone (usually, but right now it's actually charging by my bed)
4. car keys (usually, but right now they're hanging on their hook)
5. whole foods receipt

Yep, I have a small purse. And I tag the same people Mary did.

Contemporary Indulgences

One of the arguments Luther made in his 95 Theses against papal indulgences was that if the Pope had the authority to free souls from Purgatory, why didn't he just do it as a free gift of grace instead of demanding that people buy indulges to spring their relatives.
So on facebook there are all these groups with names like "Join and I'll donate to cancer" or "for every person that joins I'll give $1 to . . ." People join the groups and then feel good that they have had a part in a charity, and have raised awareness of a cause by having the group listed on their facebook profile. That's fine, but the question I have is if these people can afford to donate based on people joining their facebook group, why aren't they just donating regardless of how many people lend their cyber-support?

Thoughts on My Own Hypocrisy

During college and beyond I have felt like I had a pretty well developed understanding of how I believe the church and state should interact, which is particularly important in an election year. I came to believe that one should not base one's politics solely on issues of faith. Faith should inform politics, indeed for a committed Christian it cannot do otherwise, but it should not dictate politics. I related this directly to voting based on moral issues for which one's opinion was based on religion alone. I'd say that if I didn't have a purely political or philosophical reason for voting one way or another that would be suitable in multi-faith or a-religious dialogue, then I had no business voting for or against an issue for purely religious reasons. As you might guess, and know very well if you know me, this means that I have little to no tolerance for the "Christian Right" or the candidates they endorse.
Recently I've been thinking about my political opinions, as one ought to do this year, and I've recognized some hypocrisy in my own strongly-held view of the role of religion in politics. While rejecting certain hot-button issues as the basis for my political leanings I have embraced others, my views about which I now realize are almost entirely formed by my faith. I have come to base my vote mostly on domestic social and immigration policy and on foreign policy, founded on the belief that people are of infinite worth. I'm nearly, but perhaps not entirely (yet), a pacifist; I think people deserve at least basic healthcare; I think it's selfish of America to keep out immigrants, since nearly all of us arrived here as immigrants within the last few generations. So great, I know what political camp that puts me in, and so do you now. But those opinions are based on my faith, on the biblical injunctions for justice and peace and welcoming the stranger.
I'm not a fan of inconsistency. I am a logical and linear person living in an increasingly secular and pluralist world in which I need to be able to have meaningful, persuasive, and diplomatic conversation with neighbors of myriad faiths and cultures, while simultaneously being deeply formed and transformed by Christ.
I have no intention of radically rethinking how faith ought to inform politics. My opinion on that has been formed through study of ethics, politics, and especially European history. There's room for growth and nuance, but a complete turnaround is highly improbable. That means I need to think more carefully about my political stances. I need to be able to articulate my positions without reference to faith, while still allowing faith to shape what I believe to be right. I seriously doubt it will change how I vote, but I'll be voting for reasons that would hold water in a debate with myself.

On a different but related note, CNN already has some fascinating stat breakdowns on the primaries. It's really interesting to see how different demographics are voting.

Reading

The past week I've done little besides reading (and going to class and work and eating and sleeping). For perhaps the first time in my seminary career I completed all my reading for last week, and for definitely the first time in my academic career I'm already finished with all of this weeks. And it was no small feat either. I think the PhD seminar with it's multiple complete books to read each week and only 5 students has me running scared. That, and my room is clean, which I never had time to accomplish last semester, so it's actually pleasant to sit in my chair and do my reading.
My three primary classes are converging in interesting ways. I'm reading Bonhoeffer and Augustine and Aquinas and just war theorists and pacifists of various stripes and a whole lot of historiography, and they all speak to each other in interesting ways. All told, it looks like it will be a good semester academically.
I've also been reading Jerry Sittser's new book, Water from a Deep Well: Christian Spirituality from Early Martyrs to Modern Missionaries, and am enjoying it very much. I'm only a chapter or two in, so I'll say more on that when I've read more.

Let the Games Begin

Classes start tomorrow for my last semester of seminary. For once I feel like I've actually had enough of a break to be ready to start. Escaping the country could have something to do with that. I only have 1 class tomorrow, "Life and Ethics of Dietrich Bonhoeffer." I'm only taking 14 credits total, 1 class pass/fail, so I hope to be able to keep up with my reading more than I tend to. Contrary to popular myth, I'm something of a slacker. I'm hoping that taking a PhD seminar will scare that out of me, at least for three hours a week. Not being humiliated in front of 4 PhD students and the professor I'm hoping to get recommendations from should be a good motivator.

On a completely different note, I promised pictures. Here's a random, awkward, and unrepresentative smattering.

Some Who Wander ARE Lost

I spent the past two days meandering through the city of Edinburgh on delightfully circuitous paths to well-marked and highly visible points of interest that would have been quick and easy to get to had I chosen to consult my map. Of course, seasoned city-explorer that I am, I tend to avoid consulting the map until absolutely necessary. This is mostly because it is generally a bad idea for a misplaced tourist to advertise themselves as such, especially those of a female persuasion, and all the more so after somehow finding a way to the 'dodgy' end of town. For the record, I was only lost for about an hour, and I still found my way back to Matt and Jeni's flat with only a glance or two at my map. Just prior to my scenic route home I was thinking how all this time I must have been wrong and I actually do have a natural sense of direction. After all, I made it to all sorts of places yesterday without looking at the map at all, including back to the flat, all via routes I had not already walked with Matt and Jeni. And that cruel irony, my friends, is why I carry a map even if I have no intention of using it.
Today I literally walked for 6.5 hours. I don't think I sat down at all. And the first hour or so of that was an unnecessarily steep hike up the wrong trail to the wrong scenic vista in Holyrood Park. Yesterday I walked about that long, but with a break for lunch. It's pretty much the best thing ever, except that now my feet and joints are rebelling with a whole day to go before they rest. I've seen a lot of the standard Edinburgh fare (Castle, Palace, Craigs, St. Giles, John Knox's House, etc.), but thanks my rejection of the direct path I've also seen some great little nooks and crannies. To top it all off, I get to spend my evenings with Matt and Jeni and Hosea, the world's cutest baby (seriously!). Tonight I sampled haggis while explaining the differences between Wesley and Calvin on Christology and Sanctification (hey, they asked - I don't think I'm that much of a theology nerd that I would just randomly bring it up). I'll post some photos when I get back. You'll be delighted to see that wandering alone makes for some fantastically awkward self portraits.
Cheers!

I'm in Edinburgh

and Hosea is pretty much the cutest baby ever.

Any suggestions?

I have 2 weeks until classes start, so I want to cram in some fun reading. Especially since I have a lot of flight time before then, starting tomorrow. I had thought about reading Golden Compass, but now I think there might be better ways to spend my two weeks of literary freedom. Any suggestions?

In the immortal words of Jesus

It Is Finished.

I am officially on break now!

Still going . . .

This afternoon a guy came into the Oratory to study for his church history exam. He asked me and Rachel how long we've been here. We are both clearly camped out. I have a half-eaten hummus sandwich, a tea mug, 2 pop cans, and a little bowl of m&m's surrounding me, in addition to my 24 books, 10 articles, laptop, highlighter, pencil, and post-it tabby things. The answer: since Wednesday. I have the ugly fifty year old brown chair molded to my tookus. Other than breaks for meals I have been here for about 14 hours a day. Last night I started writing my last paper, and now have 8 out of maybe 13 single-spaced pages explaining church growth and stagnation statistics in Hungary from 1989 to 1994. It's way more interesting than it sounds. And it's due in 24 hours. My fingers are nimble, my nails are short (to avoid hitting extra keys), my posture is terrible, and my blood is caffeinated. CH455, Bring It On!

So This is Finals

There are five of us camped out in the oratory. I've been here since about 9:30 this morning, minus meal breaks. Will be here until 4:30 Monday when my last paper is due. It's funny what a few weeks of vacation does to a person's ability to focus.

Why I Love Colorado

Today we went hiking, in real mountains, in January, through snow, and all we needed was a light jacket. Eat that, Jersey!

Happy New Year

I rang it in with Claire and Dave, and I have the past few years. We ate dinner while watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Dave had to go to bed at 10:30 because he worked this morning at 6:15. Then Claire and I toasted with Martinelli's at around 11:15. It was New Year's somewhere. Over 9 hours of sleep ensued.
Last year we made it to midnight, but only had water to drink. It's delightfully chill. Not to mention chilly. It's 18 degrees here today.
Happy New Year, y'all.