Lent

Tomorrow marks the beginning of Lent. I used to give things up for Lent. One year it was ranch dressing, one year it was cookies (during Girl Scout cookie time that was a hard one). I've always wanted to try actually fasting, or just eating bread and rice or something, but I've never been in the right place for that spiritually. A few years ago I decided to read the passion narrative from one of the Gospels every day, only up through the crucifixion and excluding the resurrection, in order to enter into the somber spirit of the season and cultivate a hunger for the Risen Lord. I lacked the discipline to do it everyday, but it still made Easter more powerful. I don't know what spiritual discipline I want to dedicate this time to. Any discipline would be an improvement really. Sometimes being passionately devoted to Christ in a settled long-term marriage commitment kind of way makes it hard to have the desparation to connect with God daily. I find myself getting a little envious of people who are reading their Bible for class and remember how much I love doing that and how important it is. I'm in the middle of Exodus right now, so it's not like I get warm fuzzies from the Bible. It's more like reading the life story of the most fascinating person I'll ever meet, and understanding him a little better, and wanting to know him more every time I read it. That sounds good. I'll do that during Lent.

thoughtiness

Looking at the condition of mainline Protestantism, I imagine the tongue-lashing we could earn from the apostle Paul. Many letters have the underlying theme of unity, being like-minded (meaning all having the mind of Christ), bound up in the common life of one another as we are inextricaply joined by the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on each of us. So at what point do we divide? What is peripheral and what is non-negotiable? And what if negotiating the peripheral issues ends up jeopardizing the non-negotiables? I'm being vague here, and purposefully so. The question is not, in the end, one of deciding what we think about specific issues. There will always be another issue to argue and divide over. It's a question of what one must believe in order to be saved, and of what the natural consequences of that believe ought to be for one's life. What does faith in Jesus Christ and confidence in salvation through his blood necessarily imply where beliefs about the authority of scripture, the human condition, and morality are concerned? Is it worth fighting tooth and nail over things that are not essential for salvation? And to what extent ought we to risk division for the sake of protecting what we believe to be True, albeit not essential? Is a particular belief about a non-essential necessarily indicative of wrong faith leading to condemnation? And if we cannot even agree about what the essentials are then how can we really talk about any of this constructively anyway. Thank God it is not in our hands ultimately, but we do have to make decisions in this life about how we will live in a way that brings glory and honor to our God. I have answered many of these questions in my own mind, but living in the tensions and paradoxes of the Christian life mean constantly revisiting them and evaluating the answers, lest they become my own iron-clad rules rather than God's gracious leading. Grace, Truth, Humility, and Love.

What's your vote?

Claire and the maidsies are trying to choose dresses. These are the two options she's narrowed it down to. What think you?



This is very twirly and very bright blue. There are only 4 bridesmaids though, so the color might not be too overwhelming.

This would actually be with a tea length skirt, and we wouldn't all have the same top.

The Vagina Monologues

This evening I saw the seminary's production of The Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler. Some of the monologues are heart-wrenching portrayals of abuse that bring to light serious issues that the church, and humanity in general, needs to learn to address, at both the systemic and the victim level. Others were offensive, not so much by their language or even their content (although that would be very offensive to many people, especially Christians). No, what bothers me is the celebration and advocacy of trading the natural and divinely-created purposeof the vagina for the unnatural.
In Christian Theology I read parts of a book entitled The Seven Deadly Sins Today, written by a non-Christian. One thing he wrote about lust came to mind during a few of the monologues that celebrate women's sexual 'liberation.': "As they have made deserts of themselves, so they make deserts of their beds. This is the sin of Lust. Just as it dries up human beings, so it dries up human relationships." Another point, especially relevant for me as I consider celibacy as a vocation, but for all other single people as well, is that "Theres is no evidence that sex is a categorical imperative like food and oxygen; and there is no evidence that voluntary abstention from it leads to neurosis or emotional disturbance." I have the article if you want to read it (and Matt should too, since he's in Theology now).
Yes, women need to be liberated from feeling shame about what is created and given to us by God and to celebrate, along with our brothers, that we are formed in the imago dei. But there is a difference between understanding and appreciating our bodies, versus using them in a way that spits in the face of our Creator. When it comes down to it, our bodies are not ours to use and abuse in any way we please and culture deems legal (1 Cor. 6:19).
I should say that I am glad I saw the show, and that the seminary is performing it. Whether I agree with the perspectives or not, they are perspectives and lifestyles that many people choose, and I need to be aware of that reality as I prepare for ministry in a post-modern world.

Single on Valentine's Day

When did it become trite to say 'I'm focusing on my relationship with God right now'? It seems like people assume that's an excuse for singleness, and that given the opportunity most people would quickly trade in their single status. There was an article to that effect in the Whitworthian last year and I wrote a rather sarcastic editorial in response.
This evening at the Well (worship service on campus) I was thinking how glad I was to be there worshiping with my whole heart, participating in a liturgy of love, reflecting on God's love for us in Christ, and allowing myself to ruminate on the goodness of agape love. For some people, especially my age, Valentine's Day can be one of the hardest of the year. Maybe I just don't know what I'm missing, having never had a "valentine," but I find my heart rejoicing this evening that I am able to be single-minded in my devotion. That's not to say that people who are in relationships can't use this day to rejoice in the love of God, but it is different.
Tonight I am content to be loved by Christ, my savior, and blessed to know that if I spend all the Valentine's Days of my life in no company except his, it will be more than sufficient for me.

The Joys of Parenting

This evening I babysat 4 kids, ages 11, 8, 8, and 4. Overall, they were well behaved and sweet, until bed time, when you just expect them to freak out. There were a few unfortunate observations however. The 4 year old boy is addicted to playstation. His mom says he plays it all the time, and since they haven't had an "intervention" yet that I should just let him play. He also recently learned to use "bitch" and "holy crap." The 11 year old boy is addicted to a computer game, which he played for the first two hours I was there. He is also allowed to watch R rated movies.I did manage to wrend them all away from the electronic opium to make paper, and the parents got home a little earlier than expected, and I was handsomely rewarded for my time.
Now, I really am in no position to criticize. I saw R rated movies well before the tender age of 11, and was addicted to tv, video/computer not really being an option for me. I turned out okay, right? And we all like to think we would parent differently than our own parents did, or than others we observe, but when it comes down to it we don't have 3 kids to keep track of and keep from killing themselves or each other. At the end of the day all we can say is that they are healthy and fed and clean and literate, and whatever dubious techniques got them there might fall by the wayside.

"W" ammendment

I must correct my too hastily written note with regard to one Bill Robinson, and his negligence to take out all the Whitworth Alumni/ae at Princeton. Jeni and I just returned from a lovely 2 hours reminiscing and chatting with your favorite prez and mine at a local bar with about 10 others. He remembered several of you fondly and proudly by name, but I won't say which ones lest I breed jealousy.

Brought to you by the letter "W"

"W" is for Withdraw. As in the letter I will receive on my transcript for OT 510, Accelerated Hebrew Reading. I made this decision after about 1/2 hour of deliberation as a result of realizing that if I am going to do a PhD in Old Testament, I need to love Hebrew, which is difficult when it is the source of most of my stress, sleeplessness, lack of social life, and not doing as well as I want to in any of my other classes. It was like a part time job (3 hours of class, with an average 4 hours of prep for each class period). I don't want language to be a burden. I enjoy learning and using it, but not slaving away for endless hours without going into any exegetical depth. So I'll only have 12 credits this semester, and more time to devote to getting my spiritual disciplines back in order.
"W" is for William, as in William P. Robinson, president of Whitworth College. I just saw him outside the chapel. I didn't even know he was in town. So we hugged and chatted and then he ran off to go teach a course. Too bad he's not treating all the alumni/ae to drinks again this semester.
"W" is for Washington, DC, the current location of our favorite Jeni. We got up at the butt crack of dawn to walk to the train station, and her text messages inform me that she is on the train safely, with detailed maps and public transit instructions in hand. She's going to a meet-and-greet and info. thingy for University of Edinburgh, and then coming back to me this evening.
"W" is for wow, it's almost time for my field ed. meeting. Later gators.

New York, New York . . .

. . . it's a wonderful town, where the Bronx is Up and the Battery Down. Jeni and I had a wonderul, jam-packed day of touristiness in NYC yesterday. After catching the train from Princeton at 6:30am, finding the location of Jeni's interview (which was actually supposed to take place on Monday, oops, but they saw her anyway and it went great), we meandered through Central Park, ate hotdogs from a street vendor, saw Times Square and Broadway, rode the Staten Island Ferry to see Lady Liberty, ate pizza on Staten Island, went to Ground Zero, walked around China Town and Little Italy, ate Gelato in Little Italy, wandered through the East Village on a futile mission to find a kosher deli, ended up eating at KFC, then rode the train home and collapsed our very sore and tired legs into bed for about 10 hours. All of this was punctuated by riding the Subway, turning around after walking the wrong direction several times, and examining my Manhattan map a whole lot. Overall, we just had a great time talking a ton and exploring the city. We agreed that the East Village was our favorite of the areas we walked through. It is so diverse and interesting there. Every store and restaurant represented a different ethnicity or region, and I wanted to eat everything and talk to everyone. It's pretty amazing how close the City is to Princeton. I wish I could afford to go there more often and really soak up the wonderful urbanness that I've grown to love. With every big city I visit, I feel more like I can see myself living in a vibrant urban center, dealing with all the complexities that come with that environment (eg race, religion, poverty, addiction, yuppies, politics, etc). Plus, I love public transportation. Love it! At least in cities where it works well and is easy to use. The jostling and bustling of the subway may be hectic at times, but I find it inexplicably peaceful. There's also a part of me that feels like if I can find my way around in places like New York and Berlin and London and Budapest, I can do just about anything. Just about.

Oceans Eleventh

1. Adriatic Sea, July 1998, in Venice during the Latin class trip to Italy.
2. Tyrrhenian Sea, July 1998, in Capri during the same trip to Italy.
3. Pacific Ocean, July 1999, in Seaside, OR with my high school youth group.
4. North Sea, April 2001, at the White Cliffs of Dover with my family.
5. Pacific Ocean, May 2002, in Santa Monica (?), with Jeni and Mary.
6. Pacific Ocean, April 2004, in Seaside, OR with Anna and Meagan during Spring Break.
7. Gold Coast, July 2004, in Accra, Ghana during my summer with Wycliffe.
8. Pacific Ocean, August 2004, in Monterey and San Francisco, CA with Bianca.
9. Pacific Ocean, September 2005, in Juneau, AK with Claire and Anna.
10. Gulf Coast, January 2006, in Biloxi, MS with Princeton fold during our mission trip.
11. Atlantic Ocean, Yesterday, in Long Branch, NJ with myself because the train was free.

Yes, I saw my eleventh ocean/ocean-like body of water yesterday, which also happened to be my first visit to the Atlantic Ocean, at least from this side of the Pond. NJ transit runs a promotion each semester that gives students free train rides for the week, so I took advantage of it and went to Long Branch, which is the closest train stop on the shore. As soon as I stepped off the train it started raining, and the wind was too much for my wimpy umbrella. I wandered East a few blocks until I hit water, walked on the boardwalk until I was thoroughly soaked, then found a coffee shop with a view of the waves and rain and fog and read Barth's Goettingen Dogmatics all afternoon. (Incidentally, if you ever have the urge to read Barth, the Goettingen Dogmatics is much more accessible than the Church Dogmatics. I know you wanted to know.)
The idea of living near the ocean has always been very strange to me. That one can just get up and go to the ocean doesn't fit my land-locked Colorado paradigm. But I guess it's the same as the mountains. I can just pick up and go to 12,000ft any time I want (or I could before I moved to the flatlands of Jersey). The ocean is different to me because it's not just a sudden change in terrain, it's a sudden vanishing of it.
Today I get to see my Jeni!!! She arrives in about 7 hours, and will be my first Whitworth friend to visit me, which means she gets to be shown off and taken fun places, like Aaron Burr's grave and PJ's Pancake House.

Clergy Sexual Ethics

Yesterday afternoon all of the first year seminarians attended a mandatory seminar on clergy sexual ethics. Other than the obvious (don't sleep with your parishoners, don't date your parishoners), the conclusion time and again was to make sure your marriage is healthy, and don't have meetings/friendships with only one member of a married couple (in this day and age that may include same sex friendship), and even possibly don't have close friends in the congregation. This leads me to ask how I, as a single woman who is probably choosing to stay single, hope to have a social life? Granted, I plan on working in academia, but I'll be in a church for some period of time too. I enjoy having male friends. I talk to my friends' husbands/boyfriends/fiances without them present. I consider that healthy and good. But apparently if someone takes it the wrong way it could get me fired, or arouse all kinds of unwarranted suspicion that could divide the congregation. Now I'm secure and happy about staying single, but this is one case where the married folks have got it made. The hiring committee doesn't look at them like there must be something wrong with them, and they have a spouse to "rescue" them from pushy men/women and keep them sane.
The seminar also revealed a ton of subjectivism and gray areas. I and my pastors/professors have done tons of things that technically cross some boundary or other. I lived with my pastor and her family for a month, I've eaten in a dimly lit restaurant with a male professor (it wasn't sketchy, I promise), I've met with male professors many times in their office with the door closed, I've hugged them, and received a fatherly kiss on the top of the head from one. None of this has ever made me remotely uncomfortable, and I have never felt in any way like a boundary had been crossed. But an outside observer, unaware of the context, could probably get some of these people in trouble, or at least get them forced to change some things.
We live in a complicated age of suspicion, and though some of the suspicion is wise, I wonder when we are all going to be forced to be personality-less automatons for fear of offending or unconsciously violating someone.
Overall though, the seminar was useful and important and I don't want to dismiss what they talked about. Just food for thought from a single woman in ministry.